after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
