After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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