Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
