She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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