Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
