and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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