a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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