You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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