I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
