I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize