Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
