My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
