why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
