He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
