apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
