You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.