It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.