I just saw a hot homeless man
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.