I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.