we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?