In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize