Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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