Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
