i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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