She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
