Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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