Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
