shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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