Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
