so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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