The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
