I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
