How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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