Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
