he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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