She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
