Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
