i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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