Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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