Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
