did you get engaged???
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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