whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it glows. i had to have it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize