4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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