Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He passed out mid-signature
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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