bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
