singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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