I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
