your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
