He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
