I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
