Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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