We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
