it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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