You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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