I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
