There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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