It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
