she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
