IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
