she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish I only lived at night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The air was thick with penises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
