Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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