She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
