i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
