If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sext me about skeletons
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
