Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
