What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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