I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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