Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
